IF asked to recite the Live & Kicking phone-in number on pain of death, you’d blurt out ‘0181 811 8181’ in a second. Here are the utterly useless things you can easily recall.
The Live & Kicking phone-in number
After watching religiously every Saturday morning for eight years, this phone number is seared into your brain in the same way as your own birth date. In fact, you can recall it quicker than your wedding anniversary, which greatly upsets your partner.
The lyrics to Ice, Ice Baby
Before you developed some taste, this was the coolest song you’d ever heard and you quickly memorised the lyrics. Unfortunately that means that the words ‘Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly’ now take up the place in your brain where your debit card number should live.
Quotes from Friends
You watched every series of Friends so many times that quotes from it are more likely to come out of your mouth than verbalisations of your own unique thoughts. Your partner could be down on one knee proposing and rather than happily yelling ‘Yes!’ you’ll snarkily mutter ‘Oh, I wish I could, but I don’t want to.’
You’re trying hard to remember the sensitive speech you’ve devised to gently dump your partner, but all that’s coming to mind is ‘’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves. Did gyre and gimble in the wabe’. Vital for the primary school assembly where you recited it in 1988, not so great for consoling your weeping soon-to-be ex.
The weird sexual fantasy your friend shared with you when pissed
When you’d had a few pints you thought it would be a laugh to hear Steve’s wank fantasy about Nadine Dorries and a dildo. Now, though, you’re sober and you just know that the perverted nightmare he described in great detail is never going to leave your mind.