BY nutritionist Charlotte Phelps
I’M not exaggerating when I say a pint of Guinness cheered me right up and made the opposite sex appear more attractive. And you can buy one at pretty much every pub in any town.
I’ve tried every supplement and vitamin on the market, and none of them compare to 568ml of what users call ‘the black stuff’. It’s easy enough to order over the counter, and you can even treat yourself to a delicious packet of crisps at the same time.
The taste can be overwhelming on the first sip, but stick with it. By the time you’re halfway through you’ll start to feel its miraculous, feel-good hops coursing through your body. ‘The NHS should prescribe this for anxiety,’ you’ll think to yourself.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll have downed your pint before you realise it. But don’t worry. The positive wellbeing effects of Guinness are cumulative, which means the more you drink, the better you feel. Sounds too good to be true but it’s scientific fact.
For my research I necked 12 pints and I felt incredible. All of my money worries and personal troubles melted away for the first time in months. I was so happy I was dancing on the table and snogging complete strangers, whereas usually I’m something of a wallflower.
The rest of the night escapes me, but from the memories I can piece together I staggered through town sporting a traffic cone on my head and purged a kebab from my system onto the pavement. Neither of which I would have felt confident enough to do without Guinness.
Full transparency: in my experience Guinness can induce vomiting and nausea the next day, and start an addiction spiral that will ruin your life. Other than that though it’s a consequence-free ticket to a better life, just like Ozempic. Cheers!
