Three quarter length trouser wearers wish their shins weren't exposed

PEOPLE who wear three quarter length trousers admit it would be better if their shins were not exposed all the time.

Fashion victims have finally conceded that perhaps it would be more sensible to wear shorts or trousers instead of a garment that does not fulfil the needs of either.

Stephen Malley said: “It’s hard to believe but walking around with your shins out doesn’t feel as good as it looks.

“If it’s warm you’ll want to roll them up over your kneecaps, and if it’s cold you’ve no choice but to pull your socks up weirdly high to shield your legs from the elements.

“I’ll sound mad for saying this but maybe they should extend all the way down to your ankles like regular trousers.

“After all, you wouldn’t be seen dead in a t-shirt that comes to just past your elbows unless you had literally nothing else to wear, so why do trousers get to break the rules?”

He added: “Looks like I’ll have to change into my leather pants to try and claw back some dignity.”

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Man extremely against pubs opening can't stop thinking about pubs

A MAN who firmly believes opening pubs would be irresponsible and dangerous cannot stop thinking about going to one. 

Nathan Muir has told friends, family and strangers that reopening pubs would be an open invitation to spread coronavirus while almost being able to feel that cold pint in his hand.

He said: “It’s a global pandemic. There are more important things than settling into that corner booth, taking that first, long sip, and exhaling with deeply felt relief.

“Even if they only open pub gardens I think we should prioritise the health of our nation above a legendary all-day session where all the cares of the world are forgotten in a haze of cider and sunshine.”

He added: “I dreamed I was in the Golden Fleece last night. Waking up hurt so much. And not in a good way, like when you’ve drank nine pints and been sick in the pub urinal.”