Thursday, 25th February 2021

Woman misses going to other people's houses and judging them

A WOMAN is pining for the days when she could visit other people’s houses and make highly critical observations about them.

Mary Fisher has gone without sneering at the furniture and feature walls of her friends’ houses for months, and is struggling to cope without her favourite pastime.

Fisher said: “My friend Susan has bought a bungalow that looks way too small for what she paid, and I want nothing more than to pop round and say it looks ‘really cosy’.

“She wouldn’t even have to be there. She could leave a spare key under the doormat and I’ll let myself in to have a good old snicker at her tacky marble laminate kitchen worktops.

“I’ll sanitise the door handles and wear a mask. I feel like a junkie going cold turkey, so if this doesn’t count as an essential visit then I don’t know what does.”

Susan Traherne said: “I deliberately bought this place because I knew it would wind Mary up. It’s a huge financial loss on my part, but it’s worth it knowing that she’s going spare.”