IT has finally been confirmed that anal sex is no more enjoyable than regular sex, just significantly more uncouth.
For millennia, men have been irresistibly drawn to illicit sex involving their partner’s anus, awarding it a hallowed status within the hierarchy of sexual acts.
But research has revealed that the only real appeal of doing it ‘up the arse’ is that it is much ruder than conventional vaginal penetration.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies, said: “Since the dawn of time, men have wanted to stick their dicks in strange and exciting places. Where better than the arsehole?
“At any given moment, millions of men worldwide are begging their girlfriends for it, but investigations show they’re not as into the act as the thrill of being so vulgar.
“If they actually wanted it so badly, they’d do it with blokes. They don’t. QED.”
Eleanor Shaw, aged 28, is regularly pestered for anal. She said: “It’s really f**king annoying. He’s always banging on about it but when I finally buckle neither of us walks away wowed.
“I get that it’s hot in theory. But in practice it’s an ill-mannered faff.”