A BOOK of vouchers for sex acts a man received from his girlfriend for Christmas are destined to expire unused in a bedside drawer.
The vouchers, which were handed to Joe Turner with a lascivious wink and a promise of erotic delights to come, apparently come with a number of terms and conditions which are only apparent on close examination of the small print.
He said: “I tried to use the blowjob one straight away, obviously. But apparently it’s not valid when Emma’s drunk so much she’s feeling queasy or when she’s hungover.
“The more athletic ones I’m told aren’t useable on weekdays, the threesome one places the onus to secure a third party very much on me, and anal requires at least 48 hours notice because there’s prep involved.
“I can’t really argue with all that, but so far they’re not living up to their promise and if I’m honest I’d rather have had the cash.”
Girlfriend Emma Bradford said: “Well he bought me that hot-air ballooning experience last year and we never went on that.”
