A COUPLE have realised that they are not in love anymore after briefly being forced not to hold each other’s hands, they have confirmed.
After momentarily letting go of each other’s tender grasp to make room for a passing pedestrian, Ryan Whittaker and Kelly Howard felt that the spark had fizzled out of their relationship.
Whittaker said: “They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but two seconds apart from Kelly made me realise we have nothing in common and our love is built on a foundation of lies.
“The instant our hands parted I could feel my love for Kelly drain out of me like a big wee. And judging by the touch of her cold, clammy claw when we were finally reunited, I could tell the same thing had happened to her.”
Howard said: “This is why we never usually make room for other people and prefer to hog as much public space as possible with our nauseating affection.
“That and we both get a sick kick out of making people walk around us while tutting. It’s probably what attracted us to each other in the first place.”