HAVE you started to see things from your parents’ point of view now that you’re getting older? Keep these realisations to yourself or they’ll never let you hear the end of it.
Everything’s too sexualised
Even though you grew up in an age of lads’ mags and softcore porn on Channel 5, you can’t help but feel that these days society has taken sexual explicitness a bit too far. If your parents could see half the filth you’ve deliberately searched for online they’d either clutch their pearls or get turned on for the first time since you were born.
Studying the arts was a risky move
As a teenager you believed your 2:2 in art history would take you places – it’s a degree after all. However your parents’ anxious hand-wringing seems to have been bang on the money because you’re going to be totally unemployable in the culturally empty world we’re heading towards. Learn to code, fast.
Spending like a miser pays off
Now that you’re responsible for your own money, your parents’ baffling purchasing decisions make total sense. Whether it’s haggling a pathetic discount on slightly scuffed white goods, or parking way out of town to avoid buying a ticket, their penny-pinching ways are starting to come in handy. It’s a shame they won’t pass any of their savings on to you though.
Most World War 2 films contain trivial inaccuracies
Even though they were born well after WW2, your parents have a pedantic level of knowledge about the conflict which they use to criticise movies. The sad thing is they’re not wrong. Those aren’t real panzers, just some 1950s American tanks with crosses painted on.
You were never going to be rich/famous/successful
Hard to ignore this one because each passing day proves they were right about your innate averageness. At least they humoured your delusions of grandeur by sticking your art to the fridge and driving you to ballet lessons, which even at the time they knew would be a waste of money. That’s what good parenting looks like.
