WANT to make her climax? Of course you do, it would reflect badly on you if you didn’t. Ready to hear how to make that happen? No, what would she know? Do this instead:
Accept her ignorance
First, she’s a woman. Second, ladies do not masturbate as often as men and can’t see their genitals when standing up, giving them an obvious disadvantage. Not their fault but as with bleeding radiators, both sexes can theoretically do it but only one knows how to twiddle the knobs effectively to achieve the desired result with the minimum of mess.
Remember all women are, bodily, exactly the same
While penises are special and individual and often named accordingly, fannies are pretty much identical and so respond to the same moves in the same order. What worked with an ex who definitely wasn’t faking orgasms to get it over with will succeed here. Therefore, no need to check in. Try not to count out loud.
Reassure her that communication is important
It is. But the communication you’re seeking is gasps, oohs, ahhs and the occasional cries of ‘Lasso me, cowboy’. Anything from her suggesting preferences counts as criticism. Disengage and say ‘Would you tell the electrician how to do the wiring? No. So leave it to the experts.’
Porn is basically the Bible
Anything you’ve seen in a dirty film is something all women love. Directors have scientifically checked or they wouldn’t have put it in the movie, right? And look at how much that nice Albanian girl is moaning. So get on PornHub for some inspiration for moves inspired by women’s actual needs. If she doesn’t love it she’s wrong.
Never ask what she’s liked before
It might spur her to mention a former lover which means you’re taking direction from another dude, which is so gay. He may as well be sat in the room watching. You can’t be in direct competition with him. Best to not ask and instead come up with an inspired new move she absolutely won’t recount in horrified detail to her friends on WhatsApp.
Leave as soon as you’ve finished
Do you stay on the phone with the bank while an automated voice asks for feedback? No, so why hang around for the post-coital lull where she might be tempted to fill the silence with constructive advice? Offer to make a cup of tea, wipe your knob on a tea towel and make your exit. In your experience most women are glad you’ve gone.
