BEING bad at sex is not something women are capable of, legions of appreciative men have confirmed.
Responding to mountains of magazine articles filled with sex tips for women, males have weighed in to say that they couldn’t give a toss about techniques or skills, and are just thrilled to be shagging.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Women have long reported the many ways men can be bad in bed, and have inferred from that experience that there must be ways they too can disappoint. They are wrong.
“The female sexual experience is as much mental as physical, and requires the right headspace in order to have fun. However, our research has shown that male brains are simply playing the thought ‘Wow, I’m having sex, this is amazing, I’m having sex’ on a loop.
“As long as the women don’t tut, sigh or look visibly pissed off, men will be deeply impressed by, and verbosely complimentary of, their performance every time. So, women, keep doing exactly what you’re doing, even if it’s just lying there doing f**k all.”
Nikki Hollis said: “My boyfriend is so enthusiastic about having sex that it’s over in ten minutes and we can get back to watching The Mandalorian. What’s not to like?”