Man looking for 'emotionally intelligent' partner posts topless selfie on dating profile

A MAN who is looking for a woman with ‘emotional intelligence’ who ‘looks beyond the surface’ has chose a six-pack selfie for his dating profile. 

Julian Cook, aged 29, says he ‘absolutely doesn’t prioritise looks’, but would also like someone ‘who respects her body’ who will enjoy multiple photos of his abs, including several taken while he smiles at himself in the mirror.

He continued: “I’ve no time for timewasters. I’m on here to get off here. I’m after a partner with emotional depth, who can see past my sculpted torso to the big heart beneath.

“Shallow, looks-obsessed people need not apply. I’ve also got photos of me in shorts on a beach, in Speedos in the sea, and posing in a Debenhams towel while clenching his fists like a bodybuilder.

“I’ve shown real depth and range in my profile so I’ve no idea why no one seems interested. Mind you half of them need to sort themselves out before they start dating. Hit the gym, you lazy cows.”

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Whole office filled with dread after handwritten note appears in kitchen that begins 'Hi guys'

EVERYONE in an office is dreading what happens next after a handwritten note appeared on a kitchen cupboard that starts with the words ‘Hi Guys…’ 

No employee has yet been summoned the courage to read the note, left by an unknown hand, but all are sure it contains terrible, morning-ruining news.

Facilities manager Martin Bishop said: “Just the introduction alone was enough to fill each of us with the awful foreboding that something truly unspeakable is looming on the horizon.

“It could be a charity fun run. It could be about food being stolen from the fridge. It could be someone trying to get a five-a-side team together, or a quiz team, or a bowling team, or trying to get us on The Crystal Maze.

“Whatever it is, that mock-friendly opening salutation and the very fact that it’s been written down on paper rather than put in an email means that it’s bad news. The worst.”

Colleague Emma Bradford agreed: “I can’t bear to read it. I’m going out for lunch, and I’m giving up drinking tea, and I’m never going in the kitchen again.”