Sunday, 9th August 2020

Man who refers to 'the wife' unaware he is referred to as 'that bastard'

A MAN who enjoys referring to his partner of 15 years as ‘the wife’ does not know she calls him ‘that bastard’.

Martin Bishop playfully calls Emma Bishop ‘the wife’ in front of people in a way he thinks is endearing, but also subtly implies that she is a bit of a pain in the arse.

Bishop said: “I tried calling her ‘the Mrs’ and ‘her indoors’ but there’s something impersonal about those, whereas ‘the wife’ is the perfect balance of comical and snide.

“Maybe Emma would prefer me to call her ‘my wife’ but I don’t like to take ownership of her in that way. I think she appreciates that given how much she ignores me while she’s listening to her audio books.”

Emma Bishop said: “Why can’t that bastard just say my name? It’s not like he’s even working class. He wears deck shoes, for god’s sake.

“That said, I appreciate he’s making an effort at pseudo-affection whereas I settled on embittered mudslinging years back.

“I don’t always refer to Martin as ‘that bastard’ though. Sometimes it’s ‘that f**king bastard’ instead.”