A WOMAN’S morning has been ruined after realising the man she shagged last night is expecting to stay for breakfast.
After crawling out of bed with a debilitating hangover, Lauren Hewitt was baffled to find a bloke in her kitchen expecting to be served some food.
Hewitt said: “It was my understanding that he would slip out of my bed just after dawn, get dressed in silence and piss off home. Those are the God-given rules of the one-night stand.
“And yet here he was sat at my kitchen table, having rooted through my cupboards to make a coffee. Yes, he may have been face deep in my muff last night, but putting his lips on my favourite mug is crossing a boundary.
“Someone would have to be off-the-scale, mind-blowingly amazing at sex for me to consider making them a full English, and sadly this guy whose name I’ve forgotten doesn’t even warrant a single, solitary baked bean.”
Jack Browne said: “She was no great shakes herself, but I was so blind drunk that I threw my house keys in a river for a dare last night and I didn’t fancy waiting for the locksmith in the cold.”