The couple’s guide to not having sex anymore

SEX is great but in a long-term relationship it often feels like a lot of hassle. Here are some excellent reasons not to do it.

You just got into your pyjamas

Sex doesn’t really compare to the deep joy of getting into your pyjamas. If your partner had given you advance warning that would be fine, but not after you’ve got all the way into them.  

You’ll have to resolve an argument first

No sex will take place until you resolve that lingering argument about letting the kids watch four hours of a disturbing new sci-fi horror show on Netflix. That would mean admitting you were wrong, which is far too much grief before bedtime.

You’ve just cleaned the sheets

There’s nothing like clean sheets, especially if you only wash them once a month. No wonder the thought of sweat, bodily fluids and bare bottoms coming into contact with your lovely crisp sheets puts you right off sex.

All that clambering on top of each other

Sex can be great once you get going but it requires one party to clamber onto the other. It all feels like unnecessary physical effort when you’ve got Pinterest to look at.

The walls are too thin

You can hear the neighbours’ TV so they can hear you. Best to be on the safe side and not have sex in case they are voyeuristic perverts.