THE solemn promises being made by a bride and groom in front of God sound a bit needy and clingy, wedding guests feel.
Witnesses to the marriage of Jack Browne and Lucy Parry agree that vowing to stay together through sickness and health until they die comes across as a bit over-the-top and they both need to dial it down a notch.
Bridesmaid Helen Archer said: “Men like to have a bit of independence in a relationship. Hearing that Lucy will be stuck to him like a limpet from this day forward might scare him off at the most crucial moment.
“It wouldn’t be so bad if the vows only applied for a year or two, then they could review it like a phone contract. As it is, the promise of a lifetime of unconditional love and support sounds a bit stifling.”
Best man Martin Bishop said: “I’m already cringing and they haven’t even got to the personalised vows yet. What’s with all this ‘to have and to hold’ and ‘love and cherish always’ bollocks, bro? What happened to playing hard to get?
“Women love it when you treat ‘em mean and keep ‘em keen. If you pledge to be loyal to for the rest of your life you may as well say ‘Please slob out in un-sexy sweatshirts and eat biscuits in bed. The ones with really itchy crumbs.’”