Sunday, 27th September 2020

Woman finds men don't like constructive criticism of dick pics

A WOMAN who receives unsolicited pictures of penises has discovered that the men who send them do not seem to appreciate her feedback.

Nikki Hollis installed a dating app in the hope of meeting interesting men to have a drink with, but instead found herself confronted by a deluge of cocks.

Hollis said: “If you’re going to unexpectedly send me a picture of your knob I’m going to tell you it looks like a diseased mushroom sitting on a bit of mouldy carpet.

“It’s not normal to do that after we’ve only exchanged a couple of messages about the weather. And from an aesthetic point of view could you at least shoot it from a flattering angle and get the lighting right?

“There’s no way I’m shagging someone who can’t even take the time to make their flaccid, sweaty penis look better in Photoshop, or at the very least, Microsoft Paint.

“I also reserve the right to comment on anything else I can see in the picture, including your hideous interior decorating and whether your watch immediately marks you out as a twat.

“Also whether you need to take your pants to your mum’s to get them washed.”