RACHEL Reeves needs to find £41 billion if she’s to meet her self-imposed borrowing rules, according to a think tank. How would you rustle up the necessary funds?

Tom Logan, actuary: “Bear with me here, because this will sound mental. But we could, theoretically, tax the rich. Sorry, you’re probably after ideas that will actually happen.”

Mary Fisher, key cutter: “Hold everyone who’s verified their identity to look at online porn to ransom. Asking them for 50 quid each should do it.”

Julian Cook, living statue: “Auction off Prince Edward. Nobody would miss him.”

Kelly Howard, listicle compiler: “Assign all of the nation’s debt to one person chosen at random and then kill them. Problem solved.”

James Bates, traffic warden: “Insist that working families only eat meals that cost a hundredth of a penny.”