A WOMAN has developed an innovative scheme for staving off the cold this winter by leeching all the warmth from her partner.
Sophie Rodriguez received a worryingly large energy bill, looked at her boyfriend James Bates and started to form a clever, money-saving plan.
Rodriguez said: “Putting my freezing hands under James’ t-shirt is much cheaper than paying hundreds of pounds to British Gas. And I get to see him wince when I do it, which is a fun personal touch.
“And by shoving my icy feet into the back of his knees when we’re in bed I can keep warm while also pissing him off. It’s green, clean and brings us closer together. Physically, though maybe not emotionally, as far as he’s concerned.
“I’m basically a female Martin Lewis. Is there some way to market this? I’ll send a few tweets about it and hope Newsnight gives me call.”
James Bates said: “I do wish Sophie wasn’t perpetually sticking her chilly extremities in my soft, warm places. It’s like cuddling a corpse. However, at least this way I don’t have to contribute anything else to the relationship until spring.”