A WOMAN who claims to have a gay best friend actually vaguely knows a homosexual man who does not like her, it has emerged.
Joanna Kramer firmly believes that pal Jack Browne is her loyal homosexual sidekick, as seen on TV, who loves nothing more than to hear about her problems while mixing negronis.
She said: “Jack and I are just fabulous together! We have so much in common, like fancying Chris Hemsworth and loving Abba. We’re like twin souls!
“Our shopping trips and our prosecco brunches, where I unload about my dating nightmares and he shows me all the men he’s meeting on Grinder, are legendary. We’re trading sassy clapbacks!
“It just makes you wonder why all the good ones are gay? Honestly if he wasn’t, I’d marry him.”
Jack said: “Best friends? What the f**k is she on about?”
“We only meet up every three months and even then she doesn’t know the first thing about me. All our conversations revolve around her and her boring love life. And I hate brunch and do all my shopping online because I’m not a minor character from Sex And The City.
“Honestly? I’d take straight-up homophobia over being best mates with Joanna. At least the homophobes get drunk and blow you.”