THE only age it is healthy and useful for anyone to have a phone is 22, it has been confirmed.
With children at risk of cyberbullying and the elderly conned by obvious scams, 22 has been pinpointed as the only age when smartphone ownership is a net benefit to a person’s life.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Your brain’s pretty much finished developing. You actually have friends you need to keep up with. You don’t have enough cash to gamble online. It’s fine.
“You’re not immune to pissing your life away endlessly scrolling on the sofa, but you’ve got loads of your life left and might actually not have seen that clip from Goodfellas before.
“Gawping at phones is dangerous for kids and unbecoming for adults. For 22-year-olds? You’ve got nothing insightful to say at that age anyway, so keeping you distracted with memes and AI slop does society a favour.
“It would be cruel not to have a phone aged 22. How else are the young supposed to communicate without irritating the rest of us, or get rejected by hotties on dating apps? Nobody’s been rejected in person since 2014.”
22-year-old James Bates said: “Sounds good to me. So long as my mum keeps paying my Vodafone bill.”
