‘Buildings’ only hope against cold
BRITAIN’S only hope for surviving the arctic conditions rests in weather-proof structures known as ‘buildings’, experts have claimed.
A building is a type of shelter commonly made by placing red or grey stone blocks on top of each other with a layer of industrial glue in between.
Buildologist, Dr Tom Logan, said: “Buildings are typically accessible via hinged rectangles. Opening one of them allows the user to ‘go into’ a building. This is because buidings are ‘hollow’.
“Once the rectangle is closed, you create a very definite demarcation between ‘outside’ and ‘inside’. There is no better form of protection from cold weather. They are even better than caves.”
He added: “I predict that sometime in the future it will be common for people to buy or rent buildings that they will then ‘live in’, vastly reducing their chances of freezing to death. Buildings will also be used for work and even leisure.”
Dr Logan also highlighted other innovations that could aid mankind’s ongoing struggle against cold air.
He said: “A man called Nikola Tesla successfully harnessed the power of lightning, bringing light and heat without candles or fire. It seems very like sorcery, but somehow it’s not.”
Millions of Britons are expected to die by next Monday due to widespread fear of indoor spaces and silent but menacing radiators.
Teacher Emma Bradford said: “I’m worried by the subzero temperatures because I like to spend my evenings standing on a moor wearing just a vest and pants.
“Or sitting in a pond.”