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Entering text on telly still as primitive as in 1980s

NONE of the advances in technology of the last half-century have made it any easier to enter text via a remote control. 

A technological black hole means anyone attempting to search for a film or TV show has to enter it letter-by-letter as if they were putting their initials by a Space Invaders high score in 1980.

Jim Bates of Congleton said: “I tell speakers to play music and they do so. I type a destination into my car and it shows me how to get there. But on my TV?

“There’s no slick user interface. To find a movie on Netflix I have to mash down flimsy rubber buttons while it brightly suggests movies that are not what I want or close to it. All the others are the same.

“Even on the PlayStation, a controller with at least 30 different inputs demands I do it one letter at a time. Why does all pretence of being user-friendly stop at the telly? Why has it remained in the Ceefax era?

“Every site online’s always checking I’m not a sophisticated bot buying tickets or logging into my bank account. They should get these f**king bots working on the telly. Then maybe I could watch Insidious 5 without first having to look up how to spell it.”

Technology expert Jack Brown said: “Now most of our technological agency is given over to machines it’s important to have such instances of human independence, even though typing in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness gave me an embolism.”

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WAGS alone and horny in Miami, Britain notified

THE UK’s lotharios have been notified that the England squad’s wives and girlfriends are hot and undefended 1,250 miles from the team’s base. 

While the team train in Kansas in preparation for their first match in Dallas tomorrow, their partners languish without male attention in a city known for its beaches, nightlife and opportunities for seduction.

Straight player Julian Cook said: “My, my. Is that Saka’s attractive fiancée Tolami Benson left unattended? And in a bikini, too. Well I feel I should step in.

“It is only natural, I plan to explain, that such beautiful ladies should feel neglected when their menfolk prefer each other’s company. I shall offer my services as chaperone around Miami. And the Keys, should we hire a yacht.

“I mean no trouble. Ashlyn Castro deserves to know that kicking a ball around is more important to Jude Bellingham than being with her in this, the 28th summer of her flowering womanhood. Any conclusions she draws from that, and my suave presence, are her own.”

Oliver O’Connor, who wears his silk shirts unbuttoned to the navel, said: “My flight is booked. As are, coincidentally, the flights of those WAGs yet to join their husbands who have been left alone with the children. I wonder if we shall be seated together?

“I do hope the boys score in Dallas, in Boston and in New Jersey. I’d like to see them go all the way. That would dovetail with certain plans of my own.”

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