F22 Raptor Also A Camera

THE new F22 Raptor stealth fighter can now store up to 25,000 songs and features a class leading 6.2 megapixel camera, built-in. 

Battery life on the $400 million attack aircraft has been improved to give nearly eight hours talk time and it now has Bluetooth connectivity and an easy to use QWERTY keyboard.

Despite this Which? Mobile gave the Raptor just three-and-a-half stars, branding it poor value compared to the Samsung U600 or the LG Viewty.

Carl Hayes, editor, said: “We like the stealth mode so you can take it on the train without anyone noticing. It also makes it harder to steal.

“And we loved the pop-up 20mm rotating canon, which means if anyone does complain you can quickly reduce them to a pile of little bits and return to your magazine.

“But why no video mode or zoom capability? And why only 480 rounds for the cannon and just two, small-diameter laser-guied bombs?”

Hayes said he did expect other manufacturers to copy the Raptor’s turbofan thrust vectoring system which allows it to hover vertically in mid-air while recharging.

He added: “There are cheaper phones on the market, and it’s email interface is no match for the BlackBerry Curve, but it does the job if what you want is basic photos, music storage and to destroy entire villages full of brown people.”

 

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In The Commentary Box...

With Peter Alliss

OOOH dear, he's come up short again. Reminds me of the late, great Snuffy Edwards back in '53. He had just played his approach to the 12th at Carnoustie, when all of a sudden – zap! – he's vaporised by a lightning strike. He was, of course, disqualified for failing to sign his card. I suppose these days they'd have let him off…

I've received a lovely letter from Mr A. Gilligan of Dover. Thank you kind sir and that's a fine pitch and putt course you've got down there. Mr Gilligan writes, "Dear Mr Alliss, Could you please explain why these bastards who shout 'in the hole' at every given opportunity have not been put to death?".  A fair point Mr G and I'm sure you and I could list more than a few other offences worthy of the ultimate sanction…

Garcia's tee shot at the sixth… He's looking good this week. Not the tallest player, but my goodness he's firm. Magnificent thighs and, I'd imagine, quite a handful between the sheets, if you're that way inclined…

A speedy recovery to my old Dorset chum Bill Cavendish. 'Cavvy' was club captain at Dinnington for many years until he stole a car and chased his ex-wife down the high street. 'Old Cav' played off three before Mrs C found some unusual photographs stuffed behind the cistern and everything became rather unpleasant for a while. His game never recovered and he's now carding in the mid-nineties, poor devil. Chin up Bill. Might never happen…

Oh, and it just creeps past. It knocked on the tradesmen's entrance but they were all out to lunch… Bad luck for wassisname… the big Fijian with the huge hands… You know the one. Very, very dark chap. Lovely smile. Singh! That's the fella! Terrific stuff…

Justin Leonard there. You wouldn't want to get trapped in a lift with him would you? Better bring a crossword. Where have all the characters gone though? Lee Trevino, the old Tex-Mex chatterbox and the first man to wear elasticated trousers during the Open. My goodness, the battles he fought for those trousers. He was like Ghandi with a sand wedge. And of course, the wonderful Mr Gary Player, the first African not to be chased off the premises at Augusta. Happy days.

Oh Monty, Monty, Monty…