Facebook to add ‘F**k That' button to events

PEOPLE will be able to say ‘F**k That’ to event invitations from next week, Facebook has confirmed. 

After users complained a standard refusal failed to reflect how unappealing somebody’s poetry recital sounded, the additional option was added to underline the strong aversion they felt towards certain events. 

Facebook use Nikki Hollis said: “Some things you can’t go to and some things you can but you don’t want to because they sound thoroughly awful.

“When someone asks me to help decorate their house I no longer have to think of sarcastic things I’d rather do, like wiping my arse with a handful of Lego.”

Eventually the site’s algorithms will automatically detect which sort of events an account would say ‘Fuck That’ to, based on geographical distance, entry fee or the involvement of ukuleles. 

Facebook is also renaming the ‘Maybe’ button on events as the more sincere ‘No, but I’ll wait until more people have responded’.

Hollis said: “My best friend just had a baby so I can see this being really useful in the next 18-or-so years.”

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Wales not sure how it could be more prepared for rain

RESIDENTS of Wales are not particularly alarmed at the prospect of heavy rain, it has emerged.

The Met Office has issued storm warnings across the British Isles, including Wales where it has rained more or less relentlessly since records began.

Swansea resident Wayne Hayes said: “Rain is our way of life. If you’d told me it wasn’t going to rain, then I might be worried.”

Welsh hill farmer Roy Hobbs said: “Luckily my sheep are already covered in thick, oily pelts perfectly designed to keep out water. That’s just how they’ve evolved over our several million years of rain.

“And I own a coat and a hat, so we’re pretty much set up I think.”