POPE Benedict has explained the hard science behind his theory that gay marriage will cause the destruction of humanity.
Speaking at the Vatican, the geriatric witch-king described how his latest bugbear is not just the usual mumbo jumbo.
The Pope said: “Homosexual marriage ceremonies generate unsustainable amounts of a cloying pink gas known as Homon.
“All gays radiate a certain amount of Homon, it’s what gives them a pinkish sheen. However in small amounts the gas dissipates into the atmosphere, causing only a minor amount of corruption.
“When the grotesque tableau of sexual debauchery that is a batty man wedding occurs, the gathered gays are exuding a highly concentrated amount of Homon.
“The Homon reacts with the poppers-flavoured disco smoke, pink feather curtains and extravagant cake to form a big solid pink cloud that smells of water-based lubricant. While the gays are dancing with abandon to energetic European dance music, the Homon cloud floats off into the sky like a Chinese lantern and sticks to the sun.
“Eventually Homon will block out the sun and everything on Earth will die, including your family, your pets and your favourite television personality.”
Heterosexual plumber and father-of-two Tom Logan said: “Gays are to the Pope what garlic bread is to Peter Kay.”