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Grok AI deepfakes vs a real girlfriend: How do they compare?

FAKE images of undressed women are why technology exists, but are they better than an actual woman? Tech reviewer Tom Logan road-tested both: 

Sitting still while you masturbate

In this test I used my own girlfriend, Rachel, and an AI image. Rachel was surprisingly willing to sit still in her underwear while I did the deed, but her facial expression showed unmistakable contempt. In contrast the deepfake image of Keeley Hawes in a basque remained impassive, so a clear win for Grok.

Conversation

Grok images can only speak if you do their voice yourself, so it’s only as sexy as your skill at ventriloquism. Margot Robbie in a sheer nightdress saying my own thoughts about politics, films and computer games was more boring than Rachel discussing her yoga class. Though in fairness to Margot there wasn’t much in it.

Sex

Sex with a phone screen lacks the intimacy and sensation of a warm human. I didn’t have to do a live test for this one, I relied on previous experience. Sex with a real woman, for example Rachel, is much more satisfying even if it apparently wasn’t for her. Again I relied on previous experience as she wouldn’t take part in the test.

Household chores

Unlike Rachel, who loads the dishwasher and cleans the toilet, the deepfake Karen Gillan I made was useless at chores. Although it’s not really a fair comparison, as phones and laptops don’t have robotic arms and hands. And she expressed willing, even enthusiasm, which is quite a contrast.

Going for a meal

Connecting my deepfake companion to a speech app so she could say things like ‘Ooh, this is delicious!’ was a hassle, and tech issues led to my prawn bhuna going cold. Also the staff laughed at me. So in terms of going for a curry, a real girlfriend is definitely better than Scarlett Johansson in a microbikini propped against a salt cellar.

Showing her off to your mates

My friends were only moderately interested in a picture of Rachel in her bra and pants. A few of them said ‘this is wrong’. However Susanna Reid kneeling provocatively on a bed in suspenders generated considerable excitement and several forwarding requests. Grok clearly wins in this situation, apart from it being illegal.

Flattering comments

My final test was who was best at boosting my fragile male ego. Rachel rarely flatters me, and has in fact moved out, while my deepfake Emma Watson says ‘You’re so funny, Tom!’ and ‘I love your receding hairline!’ whenever requested. So, speaking as a man, I feel there’s only one choice here: Grok AI deepfakes.

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I too am backing Reform after being denied a peerage, by a gas-fitter from Derby

By Nathan Muir of Muir’s Gas and Boilers, You’ve Tried The Rest Now Try The Best, No Job Too Small

THAT Nadim Zahawi? I get where he’s coming from, mate. Because just like him, I’m backing Reform for government because no f**ker would elevate me to the Lords. 

And like him, I didn’t hang around for them to offer. I’ve been on to my local MP since Brexit, which I was a key part of having voted for the bastard. I’ve sent emails, I’ve called his office, I’ve faxed the House of Commons. Nothing.

It’s true that I am but a humble gas-fitter, but so what? I’ve served. I’ve been serving the people up here for 30 years, and it’s hard work. If Zahawi had needed a quote for heating his stables at taxpayer expense I’d have given him one and it’d be bloody competitive.

But nothing. No acknowledgement. If they’d given me an MBE, at least I’d have some indication I was on track to be wearing the ermine by retirement like the rest of them.

Instead, PM after PM comes and goes without a word. They stick their mates in there. They stick Charlotte Owen in there. Truss put her special advisers in there as if they deserved thanking. Muggins here? Bugger all.

Like Zahawi, I’ve switched teams. If the Tories can’t see it in them to do the right thing then Nigel will. He’s a man who materially rewards his supporters no matter who says it’s corruption.

In fact I’ve got more right than him. I’ve never had my tax under investigation despite all my cash-in-hand. There’s only one of us broken the ministerial code and it ain’t me.

So yeah, I’m backing Reform. And come 2029 or whenever it’ll be Lord Muir of Mackworth. What do they do in the Lords, anyway? I hear you get paid just for turning up.

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