Has the internet turned you into a weirdo?

THE internet has made all sorts of strange behaviour normal, but has it turned you into a creepy online weirdo too? Take our test and find out.

A minor TV celebrity says something you disagree with. What do you do?

A) Nothing. It’s a free country.

B) Email the BBC – it’s always the BBC – demanding they are sacked and set up a Facebook page entitled ‘Chris Packham Is A Bastard’ or similar. Then allude to murdering them on Twitter even though you have no intention of doing so. This is perfectly normal.

How do you read articles online?

A) Just as you would a printed article, maybe leaving a comment ‘below the line’.

B) Glance at the headline and jump straight into the comments section with furious opinions that have nothing to do with the article, then call the author a ‘fucking idiot’ while spelling their name wrongly.

What do you consider to be an enjoyable evening?

A) Drinks with friends and maybe a meal.

B) Discussing how to start a guerrilla campaign against ‘NWO global fascism’ at 2am with people calling themselves ‘NoMindKontrol’ or ‘White_Liberator_18’, who may be pathetic fantasists like yourself or genuine nutters.

What do you think about women?

A) Slightly odd question. They are too diverse a group of people to generalise about.

B) Feminazis want to emasculate men by not going out with them, so you should email death threats to any mildly feminist woman to stop them doing heinous things like putting female scientists on £5 notes.

Someone online has slightly different political views to you. What do you do?

A) Have a robust debate without getting personal.

B) Immediately accuse them of being ‘Blairite scum’ or ‘another rich Tory who wants to kill the disabled’, despite the fact that you would probably get on fine in real life.

Mostly As: You are still normal. Try not to get into 4chan or Daily Telegraph comments.

Mostly Bs: Stay off the internet for a bit. If nothing else you’re probably too much of a dick to send death threats if you have to pay 70p for a stamp and an envelope.

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Most jobs a piece of piss

A MAJOR employment study has proved that most employment in the UK is an absolute piece of piss. 

The study, which looked at manual, office and creative jobs at all levels, concluded that pretty much anyone could do them with a month’s training maximum because they are largely sitting about.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Pay doesn’t make much difference. Sector doesn’t make much difference. In the majority of positions, the hardest thing is looking busy for eight hours a day.

“Think about the people you work with. Are they good at their jobs? Are they bright? Are they energetic? Or are they thick, lazy bastards who still get paid, like everyone else?

“And whether or not you believe your job is hard has an inverse relation to the measurable difficulty of the position. So the most vocal complainers actually have the piss-easiest roles.

“Obviously some jobs are hard, like doctors, deep-sea fishermen, Amazon’s warehouse staff, etcetera, but you don’t do one of those jobs, do you?

“If you work in an office, a shop, are a plumber or pretty much anything else, your job is pretty fucking easy and you should just admit it.”