THE historical warship found in a mud bank is now just a plank, experts have warned.
Following the discovery of one of Henry V’s most splendid and formidable vessels, excavators warned that it not longer looks that awesome, or indeed remotely awesome.
Archaeologist Norman Steele said: “Laymen will be reading about the Holigost and, because they are total idiots, imagining that it still looks like something from Pirates of the Caribbean.
“But after being in a bog for centuries it is now just about the size of a cricket bat, and only exciting to people like me who are really hardcore about such things.
“A dog could carry it around in its mouth.”
Sales manager Mary Fisher said: “Does it still have all the sails and the turrets and the cannons? Is the original crew still alive after being somehow held in suspended animation by the mud?
“Where on the internet can I buy tickets to sail on it? I must be the first of my social group to do that”