A SLIGHTLY superior ability to reverse vehicles into gaps between other vehicles is the only reason men still exist, experts have claimed.
As new data shows that women are more likely to fail their driving tests on reverse parking, anthropologists believe this could explain why penis carriers persist despite being irrelevant in all other respects.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “In prehistoric times men’s physical strength and aggression made them well suited for hunting cave bears with spears while womenfolk suckled hairy babies and made the cave nice.
“Fast forward to the 21st century and a tendency towards killing things with spears is no longer considered a boon. And we know men are shit, because of television adverts for household products where they ruin everything then shrug.
“All of which begged the question, why do men continue to exist?
“There must have been some reason why we haven’t evolved into a race of women who fertilise themselves from floating spores, or similar. And it seems the answer is parking.”
The Institute found that without men’s ability to reverse-park cars, civilisation would grind to a halt as vehicles abandoned at random angles would make roads impassable.
Anthropologist Emma Bradford said: “This type of data inevitably re-ignites debate about who is better, men or women? That’s because we live in an age where everything is a weird pointless competition contrived by marketers.
“Anyway, the answer is women.”
