Longest acronym covers all possible reactions

A NEW sixteen-thousand character acronym encapsulates all conceivable reactions to anything seen on the internet.

Beginning FFFLI and ending RGMY, its creators believe the acronym could save thousands of working hours currently lost responding to animal pictures or making sarcastic comments about Game of Thrones.

Wales-based acronym developers FYI formerly built military acronyms for NATO, but moved into the civilian market after technical staff stumbled across a way of merging LOL with FUBAR.

An FYI spokesman said: “This is the biggest advance in communication since people stopped using the keyboard wink-symbol as some sort of grammar thing.”

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Prince Philip's Game of Thrones loot

THIS week I visited the set of the marvelous sitcom Game of Thrones.
Normally, these obligations are utterly tedious but this has been a fascinating visit which has netted me a remarkable booty.

Meeting the cast was a jolly treat. My favourite was Oberyn, the swarthy Prince of Dorn. Island sun and an oil rich diet has bestowed he and I with the same enviable snake-hipped grace. What am I doing in this stuffy suit when I could be showcasing my svelte angles in one of his remarkable tunics? I have my man pocket it when the Dornishman’s back is turned.

Next, a Valerian steel sword. A splendid blade if ever I saw one. My valet uses a Dr Scholl pumice stone but it might as well be a buttered crumpet for all the good it does. I direct him to the armory and give him the nod.

Then, we received a little presentation from set designers which did go on somewhat. Half way through my ears pricked up and I piped in “Oh! I’ve got one of them! Never travel without it!” I drew the object from my inside pocket and waved it around, but only a couple of them clapped.

“Oh, my mistake – you said three eyed raven. I thought you said charred ear of a Scotchman. Blasted hearing loop!” Everybody laughed. A splendid bunch of chaps.

I wait until they’re talking to my wife then smuggle the feathered triclops into my coat. Raven has always been a bit gamey for me but this fine fellow could be just what I need to centre up my multiple bird roast.

By the end of the tour the cabinets were almost empty and the props people were looking a little fidgety. The trick in these situations is just to walk out with confidence, smile broadly at the chap on the door, and no one will stop you. I have loved today – officially my jolliest outing since the Koh-i-Noor in 1850.