Thursday, 6th May 2021

People who hate massive TVs love them in other people's houses

ANYONE claiming to look down on enormous flatscreen televisions cannot get enough of them when they visit friends’ houses, their friends have confirmed. 

Middle-class parents, hipsters and Guardian-reading pensioners who agree that TV rots the brain and looms over the living room will happily watch three hours of Blue Planet II while marvelling at the picture quality.

Graphic designer Tom Logan said: “I don’t see why anyone needs a television when they’ve got a laptop. But I thought I’d check out this ‘65in Ultra HD Sony Bravia’ that my friend Natalie bought, and it is impressive purely as a visual spectacle.

“I got her to put something stimulating on – the X-Men films are actually quite aesthetically innovative – and yes, from a technological standpoint it is amazing. In a cool, detached way.

“Even the four episodes of Come Dine With Me that followed were actually quite absorbing on such an expansive canvas. Remarkable.”

He added: “Of course, I’d never get one. A huge black slab dominating the room, like the monolith in Kubrick’s 2001?  No thank you. Though 2001 would look marvellous on it.

“Anyway, I haven’t got the wallspace because of the bookshelves. But on the other hand, f*ck the books, I’m getting one.”