Remaining Kula Shaker fans to breed

THE last two people who listen to the music of Kula Shaker are undergoing enforced breeding to prevent the extinction of their kind.

Dr Nathan Muir, a scientist specialising in the preservation of rare and endangered music fans, said: “We were very lucky to find two Kula Shaker enthusiasts still alive and of breeding age.

“We discovered one on a Britpop e-forum in Slovakia, and the other teaching a Bikram yoga class in the market town of Cirencester. From then on, it was just a case of getting them together in a warm, comfortable environment, and hoping that nature took its course.”

“We have been playing Tattva on a continuous loop, but unfortunately there has been no progress so far in terms of producing offspring.

“Of course it is possible they may both be of the same gender, they still have that ambiguous hair.”

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Think pieces ‘better than action’

WRITING 900 words about injustice for a broadsheet newspaper is more effective than getting off your arse and doing something about it, it has been claimed.

In her latest think piece Why think pieces trump getting off your arse every time, Guardian columnist Nikki Hollis explains: “Any chump can act against injustice. But it takes skill, wit and tremendous self-belief to sit in your pants, churning out opinions on an industrial scale.

“So-called ‘experts’ will tell you that getting off your arse is a proven catalyst for progress, whereas think pieces change nothing.

“Well, here’s the newsflash: think pieces have the power to change LOTS of things – the number of Twitter followers you have, the amount of dinner party invites you receive, your own level of income. The list goes on.”

Fellow broadsheet columnist Nathan Muir supports Hollis’ argument in his latest think piece for The Times entitled My take on the hopeless futility of getting off your arse.  

Muir writes: “If you think getting off your arse will boost your social media profile or bag you a book deal, you’re sorely mistaken. The moment your arse leaves the chair you become just another forgettable face in a crowd of worthwhile human beings.

“Ultimately, you have to ask yourself what’s more important: helping to create a better world or seeing some bollocks you wrote re-tweeted alongside the comment ‘This nails it’. I think the answer is obvious.”