THE reliable, boring people who own Samsung phones are experiencing their most nearly-exciting day ever.
After being instructed to return their potentially explosive devices in a fireproof bag, the solid workhorse owners of the solid workhorse phones confirmed that it was all a bit too crazy for them.
Samsung fan Roy Hobbs said: “I like Samsung because it’s a dependable company with proper offices that have desks instead of funky bean bags and everyone sits quietly working with their heads down.
“That suits me because I am quiet and punctual, I have three pairs of chinos for work and a pair of supermarket own brand jeans for the weekend.
“I had no idea my apparently plain phone, which I bought after reading reviews on 43 separate technology websites, was a ticking time bomb. To be honest I feel a bit like James Bond now.
“The thrill of it has made me want to cut loose and eat a whole bag of Maltesers, then leave work on time instead of staying late to ensure I am fully prepared for the following day like I normally do.
“I feel so incredibly alive that I’ve undone my top two shirt buttons.”