10 slogan t-shirts you probably shouldn't wear to your local

EDGY slogan t-shirts are all the rage. Great if you’re an A-list celebrity, not so much if your social life consists of the local pub. Here are some to leave at home.


Worn by Julia Fox after her brief relationship with Kanye West. The ‘f**k you’ attitude will be lost when an arsey gammon landlord tells you it’s ‘obscene’ and ‘upsetting customers’, and asks you to leave.

Black Lives Matter

Wouldn’t raise an eyebrow in a London pub. In the regions it’s an invitation for gobby locals to go: ‘I suppose you hate Winston Churchill?’ If you’re not black, also expect ‘But you’re not black!’ as if every human action should be dictated by ruthless self-interest.


Trendy ‘reclaim the language’ slogan by the label Boycrazy. Not viewed that way in a grim pub in Macclesfield where the local thugs still haven’t got over the overt gayness of Bronski Beat, and will just be pleased you’ve provided written evidence for why they should kick your head in.


T-shirt that deservedly mocks anti-vax twats. But in your local it actually reads: ‘Dear Pub Loonies, Please come over and tell me a wildly exaggerated story about how your sister’s youngest child almost died after the vaccine; please also open my eyes to Bill Gates’ mind control conspiracy and why you don’t trust 5G. Thanks in advance, A Sheeple.’

Real winner

Pop star Charli XCX brushed off not winning a Brit Award with this t-shirt. However if your job is assistant manager at a dingy local Tesco Express it takes on a different meaning, and that is ‘delusional’.

No problemo

Irony-laden Gen Z t-shirt making the statement ‘There IS a problem’. In your local though everyone will just think you’ve picked up some cheap Matalan t-shirts with meaningless logos like ‘LA Cool Style’.

I am a registered sex offender

Fine in hipster hellholes, and at least you’ve put your money where your mouth is when it comes to humorously offensive t-shirts. Enjoy your edginess while it lasts, because in your local a pissed woman will corner you and start ranting: ‘Is it funny what Ian Huntley did to them kiddies?’ while you stand there feeling like an arsehole.

I’m an atheist, I don’t care about your imaginary friend

Mildly amusing atheist t-shirt. After some absolute moron has repeated ‘But you can’t prove God doesn’t exist’ for the 20th time in lieu of an argument you’ll wish you’d just worn your plain blue Fred Perry shirt.

We should all be feminists

Dior was taking the piss with the original £690 t-shirts, but the message stands. In your local pub it will open the floodgates to offensive prejudices you thought died out with the pterosaurs, from ‘Are you a lesbian, then?’ to ‘If my wife said she was one of these feminists I’d divorce her’, followed by sage nods of agreement from other ageing pissheads.


You’re so deliciously ironic with this uber-naff retro 80s t-shirt with feet representing a couple having sex. However no one in your local pub will realise it’s irony and instead will believe it’s a hilarious original joke. One local will helpfully explain it’s funny because ‘it sounds like Adidas but it means had it off’.

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Which TV show are you watching just to keep your partner happy?

YOU only have one life, so why not spend it watching multiple hours of television you hate just to keep the peace?  Yawn through these soul-destroyers: 

Love Is Blind, Netflix

If remembering your own wedding isn’t traumatic enough, watching singles trying to fall in love without ever seeing each other then deciding at the altar whether to wed will definitely do it. ‘It won’t end well,’ you think while remembering the days when you used to talk to each other.

The Last of Us, Sky

Yet another post-apocalypse drama about the strength of human bonds in the face of terrible adversity. Meanwhile your own human bonds are wilting in the face of nothing more than an onslaught of prestige television, and nobody notices or cares. Especially that useless twat at the other end of the sofa.

Below Deck, Amazon Prime

A reality show based around the antics of young ‘yachties’ crewing luxury yachts. You spend all day working to maintain the lifestyles of the super-rich, albeit at a few removes, and spend your leisure time watching more of the same? Why doesn’t anyone shag of an evening anymore?

How Do They Do It?, Discovery Channel

Having a boyfriend who’s handy around the house is great except when it comes to watching a show about extractor fan assembly and yoghurt production. His constant remarks on the efficiency of mass production will be enough for you to want to shove your yoghurt-filled head into the very fan you’re being bored shitless about.

Ancient Aliens, Sky History

Experts with bizarre names espouse hole-filled theories that aliens kickstarted human civilisation then promptly f**ked off. Your wife not only requires you watch it but demands your scepticism is left in another room, where you’d like to be, rather than in here believing the pyramids were built by aliens but the internet was invented by a British bloke called Tim.

Bundesliga Highlights, Sky Sports

As if there wasn’t enough British football, with only four leagues of it and internationals, you spend the evening catching up on the German top flight. Fantasising every player is David Beckham won’t work as your concentration will be broken by the gutteral chants of the Kraut fans. Only 40 minutes to go before bed, and then work.