Accurately kicking ball back to lads in park is highlight of man’s last four years

A MAN has kicked a football with sufficient accuracy back to a group of lads in the park, giving him his happiest moment in years.

Tom Logan was strolling through his local park in Stevenage yesterday when the ball rolled towards him. He stopped it with his left foot before switching to his right and chipping it straight back to the feet of one of the players.

Logan said: “It was like Andrea Pirlo. I couldn’t have placed it any better.

“You could tell how impressed they were. I think they wanted to invite me for a game but obviously they could see I was kind of busy.

“They’ll probably reference me in a rap that they do, or something like that.”

Teenage park footballer Wayne Hayes said: “After he kicked it back he stood there for a few seconds as if he was basking in the moment.

“It was sad and it made me hate him.”

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Woman knows ‘likes' for new haircut are sympathy ‘likes'

A WOMAN who received 188 Facebook likes for a picture of her new haircut knows that most of them were out of sympathy, it has emerged.

Donna Sheridan posted the picture of her new look on social media as way of gauging if it was as bad as she feared.

She said: “It was worse than I thought. Fucking everyone I know liked it. Everyone.

“That includes women who I hate and who hate me. Those fuckers liked it to.”

Sheridan’s boyfriend Tom Booker tried to persuade her that the likes were genuine. He said: “I told her it’s a great haircut. Obviously it’s not, the colours look like a Duracell battery.

“I’m just going to keep pretending to like it though, she’ll either get the message and change it or I’ll have to dump her.”