EVERY residential property and office in London is to become a work-residential timeshare.
Open-plan offices will become mixed-use dorms for manual workers at night and flats left empty during the day will be used as bases for tech start-ups.
Boris Johnson said: “It is an unconscionable scandal that perfectly pleasant flats are sitting unoccupied for 12 hours a day while their owners are at work.
Henceforth residents will be required to clock in and out of their homes and occupancy will be managed by a big rota on the kitchen wall, like in a student house.”
Dalston resident Eleanor Shaw said: I dont mind the fella who comes in and does his Powerpoints during the day. He always puts milk in the fridge, tidies up after himself and hes nice to the cat.
But when I have to work late I overlap with the family who live in my design studio at night, and its hell hitting deadlines behind a couple watching a West Wing box-set and arguing about who forgot to soak the mung beans.
Johnson continued: We are one step closer to my dream of a London where every square foot is monetised, every single minute of the day.
“Rich foreigners can continue to own as many empty homes as they like because this is their city. We are merely its custodians.”