THE majority of so-called people are in fact sasquatches.
Researchers compared DNA taken from yeti hair to a cross-section of workers, and found humans to be in the minority.
Cryptozoologist Julian Cook said: “We spent decades searching the wilderness for hairy, shambling bipeds with a small vocabulary of grunts and growls.
“We could have just gone into any town centre.”
43-year-old retail manager Stephen Malley said: “Man wrong. Me not ape. Me disgusted by suggestion.
“You – have berries? You give berries. Like berries. Good taste.”