Thursday, 29th October 2020

Birmingham accent no longer works as birth control after Peaky Blinders

THE Brummie accent is no longer a viable means of preventing pregnancy following the success of the BBC show Peaky Blinders.

The accent, once associated with such tough shags as Frank Skinner and I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day’s Roy Wood, no longer puts off prospective sexual partners and could even be considered attractive.

Nathan Muir of Smethwick said: “They used to say that with a Brummie even if you kept your eyes tight shut when shagging one, the monotone would be contraception enough. But no more.

“These days, whenever the ladies hear my mellifluous tones they come flocking and ask if I’ve ever beaten a man to death with a cane.

“Sounding thick and boring has saved me a fortune in buying drinks and condoms. Now I’m being DNA tested and might have child maintenance to pay. All because of those flat-cap wearing f**kers.”

He added: “The next step is either a vasectomy, or I tell them I’m actually from Coventry.”