THE driver of a BMW X7 SUV has signalled his willingness to trade sex for petrol effective ongoing, his colleagues have confirmed.
Company CEO Martin Bishop, driver of the 5,400lb off-road vehicle, has sent an email to every current employee of Bishop Healthcare Claims and is also approaching them at their desks to secure enough fuel to get home tonight.
He said: “It’s every workers’ fantasy to bend the boss over the boardroom table and give him one. It can be you, today, for six gallons of premium.
“I live 45 miles away on top of a hill. This bastard absolutely drinks fuel. There are three petrol stations near me and they’ve been empty since Thursday. I will take your genitals to heaven.
“You’re all here with your cars because I made you come in. You’re angry about it. You’ve got the precious juice I crave. Shaft me good and proper. I deserve it.
“If anyone needs to see me, I’ll either be by the toilets, out in the car park siphoning petrol, or by the toilets again. I hope this won’t change the relationship between us.”
Bishop was later seen by the pumps at a Shell station at 11pm wearing just a tie and bikini briefs, offering to dance erotically for half a Jerry can.