Britain’s new dream is to not have house by the sea


MILLIONS of Britons who dreamed of a coastal cottage would now prefer something several hundred miles inland.

Bond trader Julian Cook said: “I’ve always wanted to retire to a little place on the Dorset coast with white-painted walls and a view of the sea. I was going to call it Crabpots.

“The problem is that the sea is made of water. Deep, floody water.

“Instead, I’ve spent my savings on a two-up two-down former Victorian slum property in Derby which I call 44 Grange Street, Derby.”

Estate agent Francesca Johnson said: “Apparently, buyers don’t want to sleep on the floor of a school gymnasium while their precious possessions are being swept away in a torrent of filthy water.

“People give up on their dreams so easily these days.”