Bulgarians and Romanians are pretending to be Irish, claims Farage

BRITAIN has been invaded by millions of Bulgarians and Romanians, but no one can tell because they are all pretending to be Irish, Nigel Farage has claimed.

The UKIP leader dismissed new facts which showed a fall in the number of Eastern European immigrants instead of 14 of them to a room, as he had predicted.

He said: “The typical Bulgarian pretending to be Irish will talk about ‘the craic’, but you can tell they don’t really know what ‘the craic’ is. They just use it randomly, often referring to everyday household objects as ‘the craic’.

“I got my car cleaned last week and the so-called Irishman tried to charge me ’20 craic’. I said to him ‘you’re not really Irish are you?’ but he ran away and hid behind a Volvo before I could swab the inside of his mouth.

“Also, your Eastern European tries to dress like an Irishman, but he always forgets to put on the little green hat.”

He added: “I strongly suspect the Irishman we employed to pretend to be British in one of our adverts was actually a Bulgarian. I spoke to him at length and he didn’t seem to know any of the Irish people that I know.”

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Footballers start their summer jobs

AS the football season draws to a close, hundreds of Premier League players have taken temporary jobs in supermarkets.

Mark Noble of West Ham United said: “I’m doing the cheese counter at Morrisons on Saturdays. Like my mum always says, it gets me out of the house.”

Noble’s teammate Jussi Jaaskelainen will join the meat and fish team at Sainsbury’s, while Stewart Downing has just been appointed assistant trolley collector at Lidl.

Downing said: “It’s good to have something different on my CV, and anyway, hanging around a parking lot in Dagenham is a lot more enjoyable than playing football for Sam Allardyce.”

Not all players will spend the summer at supermarkets. Roberto Soldado has got some shifts at the Old Red Lion, while Theo Walcott will do some filing at his dad’s IT firm.

Ashley Cole may miss out entirely, however, after a planned holiday job in Brazil fell through at the last minute.