Childcare costs worth it to get away from our children, admit mums

MOTHERS have confirmed they will pay anything to get a few hours away from their children each week.

Carolyn Ryan, a mother of one said: “It’s these formative first few years before the government childcare funding kicks in when I really will sell a kidney in order to have a morning without my toddler.

“I work two days a week and take home £12.60 a month after paying for childcare which I’m ok with, given the joy I feel when I spend time with adults who do not want to engage with me in any meaningful way.

“My toddler always wants to hold my hand while I answer his questions about stars. My colleagues gave up on learning years ago and that kind of stale energy is very rejuvenating to me.”

Nikki Hollis, a mother of two children under three agreed: “I get so tired of making magical memories and seeing the world fresh through their eyes.

“Sometimes I don’t want to marvel at a leaf – I want to stare dead-eyed at a screen until someone tells me there’s cake in the office kitchen.”

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Single man considering third item of furniture

A SINGLE man is considering getting a third piece of furniture to go with his television and armchair. 

Nathan Muir, aged 28, has been living in his flat for eight months and believes that, despite the expense, it may be worth investing in an occasional table to rest his beers on. 

He said: “I don’t like a lot of clutter. But this tower of Blu-Rays I’ve been using for five months has toppled three times, and I’m running out of Fabreze for the carpet. 

“It might interrupt the clean minimalism of the flat’s layout, but when I said that to my mate Jordan he said that the piles of magazines and shit already did that so I needn’t worry. 

“I don’t need a proper table because I eat leaning on the kitchen counter and I don’t need any other chairs because Jordan’s fine on the floor, so that’ll be it. 

“The only problem is I’ve no idea where to get one. I’ll ask Kev at the mini-market.” 

Muir added: “I’m not going fancy or anything. I still don’t see why when you’ve got a mattress you need a bed.”