BRITISH children will be much healthier as soon as they start being raised in the 1950s, according to a new study.
The Institute for Child Health said modern child rearing had failed and called for all British children under the age of 16 to be sent back to 1953 where they could spend their days eating ripe Dorset peaches and running alongside steam trains.
The study found children are healthier if they are brought up by a mother who wears a starched white pinafore, knows how to bake a pie and organises tasty food parcels for our brave boys in Aden.
A spokesman said: “The early 1950s is now the optimum environment for successful child rearing thanks to an abundance of skipping ropes and fresh cabbage and the welcome absence of a certain Mr Cliff Richard.
“And of course, children can enjoy a healthy diet and a rigorous exercise programme secure in the knowledge that their mother will not be going out to work everyday like a common prostitute.”
He added: “If we hurry we can send them back just in time for the Coronation.”
Mrs Margaret Gerving, a mother of two speaking from 1953, backed the study, adding: “While I do not agree with the having of opinions I must admit to being puzzled as to how these women find the time to be typists and telephonists and what have you.
“After a full day of baking, roasting and boiling I have barely enough energy left to be taken roughly from behind by my darling Trevor.
“Now, enough of politics, who would like a nice piece of my raspberry tinkle?”