BRITISH children will be healthier, happier and more respectful if they are raised in the 1950s, according to a new study.
The Institute for Child Health said modern child-rearing had failed and called for British children to be brought up in 1953, where they would spend unhurried days eating ripe Dorset peaches and running alongside steam trains.
The study found children thrive when cared for by stay-at-home mothers wearing a starched white pinafores who spend their days baking pies, greeting vicars and organising food parcels for our brave boys in Aden.
A spokesman said: “The early 1950s is now the optimum environment for successful child rearing thanks to an abundance of skipping ropes, fresh cabbage and the absence of hip-thrusting entertainers like Mr Cliff Richard.
“And of course, children can enjoy a healthy diet and a rigorous exercise programme secure in the knowledge that their mother will not be going out to work everyday like a common prostitute.”
Mrs Margaret Gerving, a mother of four speaking from 1953, said: “While I do not agree with the having of opinions I must admit to being puzzled as to how these women find the time to be typists and telephonists and what-have-you.
“After a full day of baking, roasting and boiling I have barely enough energy left to be taken roughly from behind by my darling Trevor.
“Now, enough of politics, who would like a nice piece of my raspberry tinkle?”
