Conga crash claims 37

POLICE are appealing for witnesses after a conga line collision resulted in the deaths of 37 people during a retirement party.

The pile-up occurred at around 9pm in the Planet Suite of High Wycombe Working Men’s Club, a period dubbed by regulars as the ‘dangerous dance’ hour.

Sales co-ordinator Eleanor Shaw,  who was in the conga at the time of the collision, said: “We’d done the chicken dance which had been a hoot, so the natural transition was into conga mode.

“At first there were only myself and a stout gingery man still in his work shirt, but within three minutes we were a train of ninety.”

It is believed the conga circled the function room three times before heading out into the car park where it was picked up on CCTV footage.

Shaw said: “Things escalated when we got outside, we were moving  so fast.

“I sensed something was wrong, but put it down to having a sweaty stranger latched onto my rear.

“Then we nearly stacked it into a recycling bin, and I realised with horror that no-one was in control.”

Horrific camera footage shows the conga clumsily spiralling in on itself before imploding with terrible force, which one bystander described as looking like Nokia Snake but with exposed broken bones.

Shaw, who has been told she may need to spend the rest of her life in a foam neck brace, added: “My heart goes out to the 37 who perished in the conga, some of them hadn’t even been up to the buffet table.”

Conga leader Stephen Malley, who also miraculously survived the crash, was found to be five times over the legal limit and now faces a lifelong ban which will exclude him from all adult group dances, such as ‘Oops Upside Your Head’ and the Macarena.

 

 

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Most betting shop regulars now multi-millionaires

THE majority of people who frequent betting shops are worth in excess of seven figures, according to new data.

Experts at the Institute for Studies found that 73% of people who spend most of their time in betting shops have enjoyed incredible financial success.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Look in the window of your local Ladbrokes at about half two on any given week day afternoon and you will see the very definition of ‘stealth wealth’.

“You would never guess that the middle-aged men therein, with their rheumy eyes, craggy grey skin and market-bought jogging trousers, have made vast fortunes from their skilful wagering on horses, football and the dogs.

“I guess they just like to keep it discreet, preferring to spend their leisure time hanging around cheap pubs and post offices rather than on yachts with models. Which is a lifestyle they could comfortably enjoy, if they wanted.”

Tom Logan, 54, started visiting betting shops on a daily basis shortly after an alcohol-related divorce and soon made his first million from a well-placed gamble on a high profile speedway event.

He said: “When I got my first enormous win, I was determined not to let it change me. I had a small celebration at the nearest Wetherspoons, alone.”

After a short, violent bout of dry coughing, he added: “I still live in the same rented bedsit above a pet shop and prepare all my meals on one of those little cookers that’s like a box with a single oven ring on the top, because that’s where I’m happiest.

“Betting every day is a lot of hard work, you really cannot afford to miss a single edition of the Racing Post. But if you stick at it and keep believing in yourself, it really pays off.”