COUNCILS across Britain are to save millions of pounds by placing a massive skip full of rotting chicken carcases and used incontinence pants at your front door.
Officials say the 3200-litre communal waste bins will help to reduce the cost of the one thing you are actually happy to pay them to do properly.
Council tax payer Bill McKay, from Brighton, said: "I pay about two grand a year in the full knowledge that the vast majority of it will be wasted in the most insultingly gratuitous fashion, but that they will, at least, come along once a week and empty my wheelie bin.
"Now I will open my front door to be greeted by a huge, black shitbox, which, I have no doubt, will quickly become a nightclub/vomitorium/bed and breakfast for the local vagrancy and their pet rats."
But the Local Government Association (LGA) insists the savings can be diverted into other priorities including a new taskforce designed to get more midgets into the House of Lords.
An LGA spokesman said: "There seems to be a misconception that councils are somehow there to provide services and do things that people want.
"This is the 21st century. There are more important things we can do with taxpayers' money than go around picking up indivdual wheelie-bins from outside people's houses and then emptying them into the back of some large outdated truck.
"For example, very few of our cherished local libraries have an interactive display about the history of anal sex. And then, of course, there's my pension."
Mr McKay added: "JUST EMPTY MY FUCKING BINS!"