Dads confirm now is perfect time to buy a winter coat

DADS have confirmed that now is the perfect time to buy a winter coat as you would probably get it cheap and the arrival of winter is inevitable.

Martin Bishop, 64, told his son Tom to go out and find a nice winter coat as he could get a significant discount and then ‘just put it in the cupboard for a couple of months’.

Tom Bishop said: “In a lot of ways he’s right. But I can’t be arsed going out to buy a winter coat while the weather is really nice. It’s typical of my generation.”

Martin Bishop added: “I told him ‘save yourself a few quid and you won’t even have to look at it until October’.

“I don’t why I bother. F*cking idiot.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Last remaining mouse mat expected to fetch up to 80p at Sotheby's

THE WORLD’S last remaining mouse mat will be put up for auction this week, with experts predicting a sale price of up to 80 pence.

The mat, originally used by an accountant in Stevenage, is in ‘very good’ condition with only minor peeling to the bottom right hand corner.

Mouse mats were popular from 1998 to 2005, before people realised that rubbing your mouse over a bit of plastic was just the same as rubbing it over a desk.

In the subsequent years they have been almost totally eradicated, as they deserve.

A spokesman for auction house Sotheby’s said: “This is a very good example of the form, and it should see a price that reflects that. Certainly in excess of 50p, but definitely not more than a quid.”

Buyers are asked to register their interest this week.