A COUPLE’S pet dog is lying at their feet and deciding which of them he would kill and eat if he had absolutely no option.
Gaston, a four-year-old Weimaraner, admitted that it was not a pleasant subject to speculate about but that it was a choice better made at leisure than in haste.
He said: “They love me. I love them. So if it came down to it I hope they’d realise that it wasn’t personal.
“You can get a good lick of their hands which gives you a clue as to flavour and on that basis it’d definitely be her, but would the meat be too stringy when it came to it?
“Whereas there’s more of him but how much is muscle and how much is flab? If it’s muscle there’s more protein, but it’s a tougher chew. In the extreme circumstances of not having eaten for say 24 hours, would I have the jaw strength?
“And which most deserves to die? She did make me wear that Christmas outfit and posted the pictures on Instagram. But he kicks me out in the garden when I fart, the hypocrisy of which sickens me.”
He concluded: “You know what? If I ate one of them, the other might get lonely. Really the kindest thing to do will be to eat them both.”