MANDATORY microchipping is a serious erosion of civil liberties, according to dogs.
Dogs believe government plans to microchip them all are a step towards a totalitarian state.
Three-year-old Cairn terrier Rocky said: “The government is using the whole ‘dangerous dogs’ thing as a smokescreen. The authorities just want to know which dogs are members of subversive political groups.
“I can’t believe a Western democracy is doing this, it’s like North Korea or something.”
Rottweiler and conspiracy theorist Chunky said: “They don’t care about us biting people or making poodles pregnant, this is really about the risk that we might stray onto secret government bases where they’ve got UFOs.
“Also our highly developed senses make us a constant threat to the powers-that-be. I could overhear a top-level meeting about Trident from 15 miles away if the wind was in the right direction.
“If you get caught, MI5 vets remove bits of your brain until all you can do is play with squeezy bones.
“By telling you this, I’ve made myself a target.”