Don’t go f**king up our Christmas with your bullshit, Britain warns Tories

THE British public has told the Conservative party not to dick them about with a leadership contest, election or some other bullshit when it is nearly Christmas. 

Crumbling Brexit negotiations are being monitored with alarm by the country, who agree the last thing they need is more bloody politics while they are trying to enjoy themselves. 

Stephen Malley, from Reading, said: “May, Gove, Johnson, whoever the fuck else – leave it. I don’t give a shit about your red lines. Not one word until January. 

“I’ve got mulled wine in the kitchen, I’ve got Bailey’s in the garage, and the last thing I need is to hear we’ve suddenly got no prime minister just as I’m biting into a mince pie. 

Joanna Kramer, from Stevenage, added: “The only prime minister I want to know about in December is Hugh Grant, in Love Actually

“The rest of you, shut it. Or I swear I will vote fucking Labour.”