Entire family being melodramatic twats about Brexit

A FAMILY has decided to treat the referendum result as an overwrought personal drama.

The Sheridan family from Nottingham is making the most of the dramatic potential of the crisis, in a thinly-veiled attempt to milk some attention out of it.

Mum Donna said: “I just keep watching the news and crying. It’s like a nuclear war except without any fatalities.

“Then my husband said ‘Don’t worry, I’m going to get us through this!’, like Kevin Costner in a PG-rated disaster movie. Except Kevin Costner wouldn’t have voted Leave.

“My husband’s name was Pete but now it’s Judas.”

13-year-old son Martin said: ““I had an argument with dad, but it fizzled out because the football came on and I was texting a friend anyway. This is how it must have been in the English Civil War.”

His younger brother Robert said: “Leaving the EU means there’s no future for the younger generation, so I’ll probably move to a thriving economy like China where they need people with HNDs in performing arts.

“That’s if a British Nazi party hasn’t taken over and put me in a camp for being a member of the Lego Club.”

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Referendum was marketing gimmick for Independence Day sequel

THE EU referendum was a marketing gimmick for a big-budget American science fiction film, it has emerged.

The producers of Independence Day: Resurgence, sequel to the poor quality 90s alien invasion film Independence Day, confirmed that they paid everyone involved and even helped UKIP with some poster designs.

Director Roland Emmerich said: “When Will Smith firmly refused to return for the sequel, we decided to spend his fee on a big, eye-catching stunt designed to excite audiences about the film’s tired themes of ‘independence’ and ‘freedom’.

“After an intense brainstorming session we decided that to have a small, economically unviable island stage its own ‘independence day’ by making a stand against the alien mothership Brussels.

“This was surprisingly cheap to arrange. Farage and Cameron got on board for eight thousand apiece. That’s dollars, not pounds.

“Boris Johnson’s agent held out for a low five-figure sum and a selection of fine cheeses, which he thought was some real tough talk but to us it seemed almost pitiful.”

The film features a cameo from George Osborne as pilot Pete ‘Posh’ Danvers, who gets strangled by a tentacle before being pulped and fed to alien hatchlings as a form of liquid nutrient.